Abuse is Abuse.
Abuse is abuse.
I say this because, at the beginning of this year, I saw how a woman who was determined to leave an abusive marriage asked repeatedly for evidence of the abuse before taking action. While it is good to ask for details, I think asking for evidence undermines the woman’s story. Shouldn’t the first response be to ensure her safety? I believe that even without physical evidence, she should be able to leave. That decision should not be reduced to whether or not there is evidence.
“Not all forms of abuse leave bruises.”
— Danielle Steel
Abuse in all its form is real. The ones we see, the ones we don’t see. The ones expected to endure or be silent about. Every form of it is real, serious, and valid. Since my involvement with this woman’s case, I realized that it’s a common misconception that abuse only comes in one package. That unless there is a physical indication, it can’t be abuse. Society won’t and don’t accept it as abuse.
Until a woman is beaten and shows bruises, there is little to no interference when she voices out about other forms of abuse.
From my engagements with this woman, I can say this — her evidence was as bad as having a scar or bruise. The emotional/psychological trauma she endured for ten years was enough to cause a mental breakdown. The financial abuse she faced that trapped her for ten years, is as damaging as a scar or a bruise.
I made a post on my Whatsapp and Twitter about how all forms of abuse are real and 90% of the reaction to the post agreed. Some respondents believed emotional abuse to be the worst which encompasses verbal and mental abuse. Some thoughts held financial abuse as the worst explaining the dependence on the abuser which is true as most abused women go back to their abuser for the reason of childcare support and a better living condition.
I am not writing to debate which is worse or less, I am writing to state all is bad and none should be accepted or trivialized. It would be ridiculous to think we can weigh the gravity of someone’s lived experience based on our perceptions. That we think we can stand on a podium and declare an abuse less valid than the other is ridiculous.
If we go that route, if we do that, then we are promoting silent culture. If people cannot talk about their experience openly because there’s been a grade to the level of seriousness of these abuses, then we are saying; yes, we know you’re abused but common it’s not that deep, you can endure this one.
Nobody should endure any form of abuse.
Abuse is abuse. The physical, sexual, verbal/emotional, mental/psychological, financial/economic, and cultural/identity are all forms of abuse and none should be endured. One is not less than the other. None should be acceptable. Because when we say one abuse is less we are accepting that abuse.
I hope you know that whatever form of abuse you’re going through, you don’t have to stick with it. You don’t have to endure it. If you need to talk to a counselor or a therapist kindly reach out to any of these organizations:
1. Mirabel center: https://www.instagram.com/mirabelcentreng/?hl=en
2. Vision Spring Initiatives: https://www.instagram.com/vsi_ng/?hl=en
3. Stand to end rape: https://www.instagram.com/standtoendrape/?hl=en
